


Memories

by ALMartin1011



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Lots of Angst, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Please don't hate me for this, Steve makes terrible life choices, Steve's road trip through history to return the stones, honestly i feel like i need to tag angst again, i still feel like an asshole for writing this fic, it's like if endgame could have been more sad, mention of that dance from endgame, steve walking off the cliff in Vormir, that i'm still bitter over, this one is SAD ya'll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24413047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALMartin1011/pseuds/ALMartin1011
Summary: Steve thought he could outsmart the soul stone to get Natasha and Gamora back. He should have known better.Content Warning: Heavy angst and Steve pulling a repeat of the stunt he pulled with the Valkyrie.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies. Please don’t hate me for this one. I’m still bitter AF over how Endgame played out for Steve and an evil little part of my mind conjured this up as an alternative. Which honestly, is kinda worse than what the Russo’s did. Sooo... whoops? If you’re here for some Steve angst, saddle up. If you need fluff in your life, maybe check out one of my other Steve fics, mmkay? I’ll be here for virtual hugs when it’s over, lovelies! XOXO - Ash

The twilight rays from Vormir’s dying sun cast a haunting glow over the barren wasteland. Steve looked off into the distance, his mind quiet for once. He’d made his decision before he left to return the stones, he couldn’t go to Vormir without at least trying to get Natasha and Gamora back. Steve had done a little poking around, some seemingly innocuous hypotheticals, trying to figure out a way to return the stone and bring one of his best friends back from the dead. Natasha shouldn’t have had to sacrifice her future for theirs. They didn’t trade lives. Except, Steve thought, when it was his own.

Steve had found a grim satisfaction that his old nemesis was trapped for eternity in such a desolate place. It was close enough to what Steve thought Hell might be that it seemed like a fitting end for a monster like Johann Schmidt. He had only seen the man briefly as he hurried into the shadows but Steve knew exactly who he was. 

Looking down at the glowing orange stone in his palm, Steve sighed. It was his last stone to put back and he figured it would all be worthwhile if it worked. Natasha and Gamora would get to return home to their friends and loved ones, and he would finally be at peace. He’d almost stayed back in 1948 with Peggy, it had been a close thing, but in the end he knew she went on to have an amazing life that he wasn’t destined to be a part of. He would always love her, and he would cherish his memories of her for the rest of his days, but it just wasn’t meant to be. So Steve got his long overdue dance and wished Peggy all the best in life before hopping forward through the decades to his last stop, 2014 - Vormir. 

It was because of Peggy and all that he’d been through that Steve was uniquely qualified for his last mission. Leaving Peggy to the life she was meant to have, left Steve with nothing else to lose. He was a man out of time, destined to forever feel like a stranger in his own modern life. He couldn’t think of a single thing that he could sacrifice to the cliffs of Vormir, and that was why he would be the perfect person to carry out the exchange. He set his wristband and the remaining Pym particles on top of a white envelope on a nearby rock, the envelope containing a letter saying goodbye and explaining how to get back to 2023 should Natasha not remember. He’d planned it all out for so long, he ran through his checklist like a mantra.

Steve pulled out his compass, wanting to see Peggy’s face one last time before it was all over. If only the world had been different, maybe things between them could have been different too. His mental checklist complete, Steve knew it was time. With no unnecessary flair or delay, Steve took four long strides to the edge of the cliff, and then over. His last thought was that falling off the cliff felt almost exactly like going down in the Valkyrie. There was a peaceful sort of deja vu to it and Steve found a smile tugging at his lips as he collided with hard stone. The world went black.

xxXxx

The sky was glowing red and pink, casting purple shadows over the shallow lake Steve woke up in. He sighed, defeated, realizing he’d failed. Natasha and Gamora were nowhere to be found and the damnable glowing orange stone sat in his hand like a beacon. Steve whipped out his compass to help locate where he was in relation to the cliff, squinting in the dim light to see the dials. Figuring out where he was, he snapped it shut, tucking the old compass back into his pocket and heading north.

“I am surprised to see you again, Captain Rogers.” Schmidt hissed from behind a pillar of rock. He had been slithering around, wraith-like, since Steve arrived atop the cliff for the second time. 

“You and me both.” Steve grit out, frustrated by his complete failure. Schmidt laughed, a high pitched, crazed sound, and Steve snapped, “What?” he demanded, “Enjoying my failure?”

“What failure? You completed your sacrifice, the stone is now yours to wield.” 

“What sacrifice? There’s nothing I love _to_ sacrifice. That was the whole point.” Steve huffed.

Schmidt chuckled again, “You always were deluded, Captain.” 

Steve swore under his breath, storming off. He couldn’t deal with Schmit’s nonsense on top of everything else. He gathered up his wristband, tucked the letter in his pocket, and activated the particles to get him home.

xxXxx

“It’s good to see you back in one piece, pal.” Bucky said, clapping Steve on the shoulder. 

“Thanks, Buck. It’s good to be back.” Steve leaned in to hug his best friend.

Bruce joined them, still uneasy about the whole thing. “Did everything go as planned?” he asked nervously. 

“Yep,” Steve nodded, “Not a hitch.” He certainly wasn’t going to admit his failure to his friends, not when that would have included having to explain his second failed attempt to sacrifice his life for the greater good.

“Glad to hear it.” Bruce told him, finally breathing a sigh of relief. He collected the wristband from Steve and then hustled back to start shutting down the time travel launch pad. 

“How was it going back to our time? Did you finally get that dance like you’d hoped?” Bucky asked him as they walked back to the car. 

“It was nice being back in the Brooklyn I’m used to. No dance though, I never did have any luck with the dames. Not enough time while I was there anyway.” Steve shook his head with a chuckle.

“Really?” Bucky stared in disbelief, “I thought the first thing you would have done after returning the stone would be to track down Peggy.”

“Peggy who? Was that Dot’s sister? The redhead you were always setting me up with?” 

“ _Peggy_ , Steve.” Bucky drew her name out slowly for emphasis. 

Steve shook his head, “Not ringing a bell, Buck. Now, what are we doing for dinner? I’m starving. Didn’t have any free time to grab a bite while I was running around time and space, and it feels like it’s been days since I’ve eaten.” 

“Steve,” Bucky changed tactics cautiously, “Can I see your compass for a sec?” 

“Sure thing.” Steve pulled out the black metal disc and tossed it to Bucky. “I think we’ll find our way to Burger King faster with GPS though.” 

Bucky stopped mid-step, staring at the old black compass. It was familiar but also, not. On one side of the interior were the dials and white face he knew like the back of his hand, but on the other side was glossy black metal where the face of one Margaret “Peggy” Carter used to be. 

“Steve, what happened while you were putting back the stones?” Bucky asked, his voice low and commanding. His tone had Steve pausing and turning back to face him. Steve knew that tone, it was the same one Bucky had used when they caught Jimmy Tammlin pocketing candy at Mr. O’Malley’s shop. They’d known what he’d done, but needed to hear him admit it. 

Steve sighed, rubbing a large palm across the back of his neck. “I put the stones back and came home.” 

“Bullshit,” Bucky grabbed Steve’s wrist, lightning quick, and started dragging him across the yard away from the car. “ _Bull-fucking-shit_ , Steve. You changed something, you stubborn asshole. I don’t know what you did, and clearly you don’t remember it, but we’re gonna have to figure out what it was and what other damage you may have caused.” 

Bruce heard Bucky calling his name as they got closer to Pepper and Morgan’s house. The look on Bucky’s face was all Bruce needed to know that the mission hadn’t gone off without a hitch after all.

xxXxx

It took three days of tests and repetitive questions, of Bruce and Bucky taking turns grilling Steve about every single moment of his time travels. Steve did finally admit to walking off the cliff in Vormir, knowing it was inevitable. Bucky had stormed out at that point to god only knows where. When he came back halfway through the following day he looked ragged but significantly calmer. Sam accompanied him upon his return, looking equally ragged but supportive. He was never more than a few steps from Bucky’s side, occasionally leaning into whisper something to the brunette that would have him nodding and taking a steadying breath. Steve felt awful he had caused everyone so much distress but as he kept telling them, if it had brought Natasha and Gamora back it would have been for the best. 

By the end of the third day Bruce seemed to have figured something out, though it still didn’t make any sense to Steve. They told him it was fine, no further damage had been caused, and let him go back to his hotel room on his own. Steve sensed something was up but if they weren’t concerned enough to tell him, it wasn’t worth worrying himself over. The battle was over, at least for what he hoped would be a while, and Steve needed to get back to New York and start putting the pieces of his new life back together. Again. It was far from the first time, but Steve hoped that maybe it would be the last.

“No one tells him, ever.” Bucky demanded after Steve left the lab and was far enough away not to overhear them.

“I’m not entirely comfortable with…” Bruce whined lightly. 

Sam shook his head, unable to believe he was about to agree. “Bucky’s right. We’ll tell the others, make sure no one says anything. Though mentioning her to him doesn’t seem to stick, so it’s not like if someone says something that it’ll matter.”

Bucky nodded, gesturing at Sam as proof. “See! All we’d be doing is hurting him. And that man has had enough hurting for five lifetimes. No. One. Tells. Him. Agreed?” 

Bruce hung his head in defeat. “Okay, he never finds out.” 

Sam nodded solemnly, knowing it wasn’t the best option but the only one they had. 

Bucky stormed out, his heart aching for his best friend. He couldn’t really be surprised, Steve always had always been a self sacrificing little shit. He should have known better than to try to outsmart the stones. And now, because of that, they had taken the very last bit of love Steve had in his life: his memories.

**Author's Note:**

> *showers you with virtual hugs for making it to the end*


End file.
